Good Ship Venus (Sea Porn) – Be Warned Dirty Lyrics
Twas on the good ship Venus,
By God you should have seen us,
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast the Captain’s penis.
The captain of this lugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one ship to another.
The captain’s wife was Mabel.
Whenever she was able,
She’d fornicate with the second mate
Upon the galley table.
The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
We stuffed his arse with broken glass
To circumcise the skipper.
The captain had a daughter,
Who fell into the water,
We heard her squeal and knew an eel
Had found her sexual quarter.
The second mate’s name was Andy,
His balls were long and bandy,
We filled his arse with molten brass
For wanking in the brandy.
The captain’s name was Morgan,
By Christ he was a gorgon!
Ten times a day sweet tunes he’s play.
On his productive organ.
The captain’s daughter Mable,
They laid her on a table!
And all the crew would come and screw
As oft as they were able.
“Twas on a Chinese station,
We caused a great sensation.
We sunk a junk in a sea of spunk
By mutual masturbation.
Another cook was O’Malley,
He didn’t dilly dally.
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
He whitewashed half the galley.
Another one was Cropper,
Oh Christ he had a whopper.
Twice round the deck, around his neck
And up his bum for a stopper.
The ship's dog's name was Rover,
The whole crew had him over,
We ground that faithful hound
From Singapore to Dover.
So now we end this serial,
Through sheer lack of material.
I wish you luck and freedom from
Diseases venereal.
The bosun's name was Carter
He was a musical farter
He could play ‘God Save the Queen' from beginning to end
And Beethoven's moonlight sonata.
They spied whore upon the shore.
And off came shirt and collar.
In 20 minutes by the clock,
she'd made a thousand dollars.
The first mates name was Carter
By God he was a farter
When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go
they called on Carter the farter to start her
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Ah, a blast from my sordid past…
I would like to note, that the version I heard was, most appropriately, in limerick. Or limerick-like. Thus I would like to proffer a segment:
When the wind wouldn’t blow
And the ship wouldn’t go
They’d get Carter the Farter to start ‘er
He could fart anything
From “God save the King”
To Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”!
Memories…
The second mates name was McClean
He invented the wanking machine
On the 99th stroke the bloody thing broke
And whipped his balls to cream
The Captain’s cat was Saul, poor bugger only had one ball,
His favourite trick was to stand on his prick
And do shit all over the wall.
We were on the good ship Venus,
by Christ you should have seen us,
the figure head was a chick in bed,
sucking a dead mans penis.
The captain’s wife was Mabel,
she was ready willing and able,
she’d do it in bed on her head
or under the kitchen table.
The first mates name was Carter,
by christ he was a farter,
when the wind wouldn’t blow
and the ship wouldn’t go,
they got Carter the farter to starter.
….
The Figurehead was a whore in bed
With her mouth round the captains Penis
The Captains wife was Mabel
To fuck she wasn’t able
so the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the wardroom table