5 May 2010 12 Comments

Good Ship Venus (Sea Porn) – Be Warned Dirty Lyrics

Twas on the good ship Venus,
By God you should have seen us,
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast the Captain’s penis.

The captain of this lugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one ship to another.

The captain’s wife was Mabel.
Whenever she was able,
She’d fornicate with the second mate
Upon the galley table.

The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
We stuffed his arse with broken glass
To circumcise the skipper.

The captain had a daughter,
Who fell into the water,
We heard her squeal and knew an eel
Had found her sexual quarter.

The second mate’s name was Andy,
His balls were long and bandy,
We filled his arse with molten brass
For wanking in the brandy.

The captain’s name was Morgan,
By Christ he was a gorgon!
Ten times a day sweet tunes he’s play.
On his productive organ.

The captain’s daughter Mable,
They laid her on a table!
And all the crew would come and screw
As oft as they were able.

“Twas on a Chinese station,
We caused a great sensation.
We sunk a junk in a sea of spunk
By mutual masturbation.

Another cook was O’Malley,
He didn’t dilly dally.
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
He whitewashed half the galley.

Another one was Cropper,
 Oh Christ he had a whopper.
 Twice round the deck, around his neck
 And up his bum for a stopper.
 
 The ship's dog's name was Rover,
 The whole crew had him over,
 We ground that faithful hound
 From Singapore to Dover.
 
 So now we end this serial,
 Through sheer lack of material.
 I wish you luck and freedom from
 Diseases venereal.
 
 The bosun's name was Carter
 He was a musical farter
 He could play ‘God Save the Queen' from beginning to end
 And Beethoven's moonlight sonata.
 
 They spied whore upon the shore.
 And off came shirt and collar.
 In 20 minutes by the clock,
 she'd made a thousand dollars.
 
 The first mates name was Carter
 By God he was a farter
 When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go
 they called on Carter the farter to start her

12 Responses to “Good Ship Venus (Sea Porn) – Be Warned Dirty Lyrics”

  1. Gavino Villapiano 10 July 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Ah, a blast from my sordid past…

    I would like to note, that the version I heard was, most appropriately, in limerick. Or limerick-like. Thus I would like to proffer a segment:

    When the wind wouldn’t blow
    And the ship wouldn’t go
    They’d get Carter the Farter to start ‘er

    He could fart anything
    From “God save the King”
    To Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”!

    Memories…

  2. Jon 15 April 2012 at 4:28 am #

    The second mates name was McClean
    He invented the wanking machine
    On the 99th stroke the bloody thing broke
    And whipped his balls to cream

  3. Major Brughel 12 August 2012 at 7:19 pm #

    The Captain’s cat was Saul, poor bugger only had one ball,
    His favourite trick was to stand on his prick
    And do shit all over the wall.

  4. DB 26 October 2012 at 1:24 am #

    We were on the good ship Venus,
    by Christ you should have seen us,
    the figure head was a chick in bed,
    sucking a dead mans penis.

    The captain’s wife was Mabel,
    she was ready willing and able,
    she’d do it in bed on her head
    or under the kitchen table.

    The first mates name was Carter,
    by christ he was a farter,
    when the wind wouldn’t blow
    and the ship wouldn’t go,
    they got Carter the farter to starter.

  5. Swinton 31 October 2012 at 9:42 am #

    ….
    The Figurehead was a whore in bed
    With her mouth round the captains Penis

    The Captains wife was Mabel
    To fuck she wasn’t able
    so the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
    Across the wardroom table

  6. rachel 10 July 2013 at 12:42 am #

    The captains wife was Mable
    and boy was she able
    to give the crew
    their daily screw
    upon the kitchen table

    The captain was called Arthur
    nd boy was he a farter
    the wind wouldn’t blow
    the ship wouldn’t go
    so they used him as a starter

    The captains dog was Rover
    the crew threw him over
    he knoked his cock off every rock
    from Hollyhead to Dover

  7. lesterboy 12 January 2014 at 2:44 pm #

    the first mates’ name was hall,
    he only had one ball,
    and with this knacker
    he rolled tobbaca
    upon the cabin wall.

  8. lesterboy 12 January 2014 at 2:46 pm #

    the he 2nd mates’ name was andy,
    by god he was a dandy
    they dipped his bum
    in boiling rum
    for pissing in the brandy.

  9. Graham Cutler 15 March 2014 at 7:00 pm #

    The fist mate was called Carter,
    By hell he was a farter!
    When the wind wouldn’t blow
    and the ship wouldn’t go,
    Carter the farter would start her!

  10. B 17 May 2014 at 4:45 am #

    The first mate’s name was Cropper
    His dick it was whopper
    Once round his neck, twice round the deck
    And up his arse for a stopper.

  11. Rod Stewart 22 July 2014 at 5:34 pm #

    The cook whose name was Freeman
    He was a dirty demon
    He fed the crew on menstrual stew
    And hymens fried in seman

  12. Bazza 2 August 2014 at 10:59 am #

    The ships cooks name was reamon
    By god he was a demon
    He fed the crew menstrual stew
    And hymens fried in semen


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