5 May 2010 31 Comments

Good Ship Venus (Sea Porn) – Be Warned Dirty Lyrics

Twas on the good ship Venus,
By God you should have seen us,
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast the Captain’s penis.

The captain of this lugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one ship to another.

The captain’s wife was Mabel.
Whenever she was able,
She’d fornicate with the second mate
Upon the galley table.

The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
We stuffed his arse with broken glass
To circumcise the skipper.

The captain had a daughter,
Who fell into the water,
We heard her squeal and knew an eel
Had found her sexual quarter.

The second mate’s name was Andy,
His balls were long and bandy,
We filled his arse with molten brass
For wanking in the brandy.

The captain’s name was Morgan,
By Christ he was a gorgon!
Ten times a day sweet tunes he’s play.
On his productive organ.

The captain’s daughter Mable,
They laid her on a table!
And all the crew would come and screw
As oft as they were able.

“Twas on a Chinese station,
We caused a great sensation.
We sunk a junk in a sea of spunk
By mutual masturbation.

Another cook was O’Malley,
He didn’t dilly dally.
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
He whitewashed half the galley.

Another one was Cropper,
 Oh Christ he had a whopper.
 Twice round the deck, around his neck
 And up his bum for a stopper.
 
 The ship's dog's name was Rover,
 The whole crew had him over,
 We ground that faithful hound
 From Singapore to Dover.
 
 So now we end this serial,
 Through sheer lack of material.
 I wish you luck and freedom from
 Diseases venereal.
 
 The bosun's name was Carter
 He was a musical farter
 He could play ‘God Save the Queen' from beginning to end
 And Beethoven's moonlight sonata.
 
 They spied whore upon the shore.
 And off came shirt and collar.
 In 20 minutes by the clock,
 she'd made a thousand dollars.
 
 The first mates name was Carter
 By God he was a farter
 When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go
 they called on Carter the farter to start her

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